One of the things that I’ve found the most valuable to understand about my process is the relationship between my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions. I’ve written about the relationship between thoughts and feelings before, but the core thing to remember is that situations or events don’t directly cause feelings. The situations or events cause thoughts or activate beliefs, and those thoughts or beliefs then cause the feelings.

And, then, those feelings cause or influence our actions. So, if we want to act in ways that are more successful or fulfilling or satisfying, one of the best things we can do is to monitor our thoughts so that we don’t have the negative feelings that cause the counter-productive actions.

But what happens when we don’t entirely succeed at that? Let me tell you a story about that.

When it comes to weather, I’m a stereotypical California boy; I’m really not a fan of the rain or the cold. So, for me, last winter was brutal. Even in Los Angeles, where the thing that we call “winter” looks a lot like what many parts of the country would call “spring”, it was much colder and wetter than usual.

I was heading to the gym one day when I really didn’t want to go. It was cold and rainy and gloomy. The idea of staying in bed was really attractive. To make matters worse, it was raining enough that the gym parking lot was (slightly) flooded. My attempt at jumping over a giant puddle in the parking lot failed, leaving me with shoes and socks soaked with cold water, and feeling grumpy and self-pitying. Sounds like a great excuse to just head home and sit on the couch, right?

Well, maybe not.

I’ve written before about how the weights don’t care why you lift them. The flip side of that is that the weights don’t care why you don’t lift them either; if you don’t lift the weights, you won’t get the results. And, the results of going to the gym are important to me.

While it’s true that one trip to the gym isn’t going to matter over the course of a few months or years, I know that not going once makes it that much easier to not go the next time. And, look: it’s natural to have feelings about situations. It’s fine for me to feel grumpy and self-pitying about the cold rainy weather and my soaking wet shoes and socks and the winter that seems like it will never end.

The easy response to those feelings, though, is to give up. But, what works for me to feel better about myself and the world is to do the right thing no matter what I’m feeling. So, I acknowledged the feelings, and continued on to my workout anyway.

I’ve talked before about grit—purpose and persistence in the pursuit of long-term meaningful goals. And, the results of weightlifting are meaningful to me. I like the feeling of being in better shape. I want to stay fit and not gain weight, and weightlifting helps me do that. And, all the evidence is that weightlifting makes the aging process easier. I’m not getting any younger, and it’s important to me to make my process of aging as easy as it can be.

Now, do I need to judge myself for wanting to give up and go home? Of course not. It’s perfectly normal and natural and understandable to have those feelings. But, I don’t need to let those feelings control what I do.

Which all brings me to the main point of this entry. When I’m having feelings that might provoke the kind of actions that I really don’t want to do, it’s important to be compassionate with myself about them. But, it’s also important for me to assume the role of loving parent to myself when I’m having those sorts of feelings, and to firmly remind myself of what will help me in the long run.

Now, was that day’s workout great? No, not really. It was an average workout at best for me. But, I did it. And, the fact that I did it allowed me to feel proud of myself for having done it (in addition to all the standard physiological and psychological benefits of exercise).

Would it have been better if I could have felt enthusiastic about the workout even in the face of the gloom and the soaking socks? Maybe. But, in my experience, the most important thing is what I do, not what I feel.

It’s easy to want to use the feelings as excuses not to do the things that will benefit me, or that I know are right. But, by doing the right thing regardless of how I feel, I get to minimize my future regret. That’s pretty cool.